A Year in Film:
Worst of 2017

2017 has drawn to a close and with it our 500 film challenge. Over 100 of the films we watched this year were made in 2017 and this has put us in an unusually strong position to offer our considered opinion on the year in film. In other articles you will find our thoughts on the best of 2017 and other groupings, but here we give you our ultimate countdown of the 10 movies we feel are the worst of 2017.


10. Ghost in the Shell

What it’s about:

In the near future, Major is the first of her kind: a human who is cyber-enhanced to be a perfect soldier devoted to stopping the world’s most dangerous criminals. When terrorism reaches a new level that includes the ability to hack into people’s minds and control them, Major is uniquely qualified to stop it. As she prepares to face a new enemy, Major discovers that her life was stolen instead of saved. Now, she will stop at nothing to recover her past while punishing those who did this to her.

What they said:

Even [Johansson] isn’t skilled enough to imbue the Major with the depth necessary for her arc to feel moving and profound. She also can’t sell me on the ridiculous philosophy the film peddles about how memories are inconsequential to human identity; apparently, only our actions matter. – Angelica Jade Bastien (Roger Erbert .Com)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
The 1995 anime Ghost in the Shell excelled in the art of story telling, however the live action retelling forgoes this in favour of visual gimmicks.. Scarlett is still the number one sci-fi badass babe, but GITS is a 'major' disappointment. Gordon

 

 


 9. The Circle

What it’s about:

Mae Holland (Emma Watson) seizes the opportunity of a lifetime when she lands a job with the world’s most powerful technology and social media company. Encouraged by the company’s founder (Tom Hanks), Mae joins a groundbreaking experiment that pushes the boundaries of privacy, ethics and personal freedom. Her participation in the experiment, and every decision she makes soon starts to affect the lives and futures of her friends, family and that of humanity.

What they said:

The movie seems to have a lot of things it wants to say about technology, but it hasn’t thought them, or its main character, through all that carefully. Watson is an earnest young actress, sometimes to a fault; she hasn’t quite shaken that Hermione-esque eagerness to please, which leaves her stranded in a film that hasn’t figured out who she’s supposed to be playing. Is she a dreamer? A skeptic? A convert? A devious conniver? A true believer? I have no idea, and you won’t either. Watson is an actress adrift here, and the audience can’t help but float away with her. – Will Leitch (New Republic)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
Emma Watson continues to prove she is a better activist than an actor as she fails to liven a dull and cliched look at social media's impact on privacy. Gordon

 

 


 8. The Book of Henry

What it’s about:

Single mother Susan Carpenter works as a waitress alongside her feisty family friend Sheila. Taking care of everyone and everything in his own way is Susan’s older son Henry. Protective of his brother and a tireless supporter of his often self-doubting mother, Henry blazes through the days like a comet. When Susan discovers that the family next door harbors a dark secret, she’s surprised to learn that Henry has devised a plan to help the young daughter.

What they said:

The Book of Henry is set to become an object of cult fascination because, as uneven as the direction is, the film is bad simply on a screenplay/premise level, and you have to wonder how the hell it got made. Life is like a good story, Henry muses in narration toward the end of the film, “get the moral right, that’s all that matters.” This is an incredibly narrow parameter for good storytelling, but The Book of Henry itself doesn’t even pass it. – Christopher Wooton (The Independant)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
A ludicrous 'kids' film about a mother carrying out her dead sons wishes to kill the abuser living next door! Gordon

 

 


 7. Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

What it’s about:

With much of America lying in ruins, the rest of the world braces for a global sharknado, Fin and his family must travel around the world to stop them.

What they said:

it’s hard to make a silk purse out of a shark’s ear — or rather, fins and entrails — and “Sharknado 5” quickly runs out of steam. The very unlucky Sharknado survivors Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering), his bionic spouse April (Tara Reid) and Nova (Cassie Szerbo) are again trying to save the world, this time from a wave of sharknados — whose origins are wrapped in a dense mythology — that wends from one international monument to another. – Brian Lowry (CNN)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
From the dire acting and preposterous plot to the cheap special effects, it's dreadful in almost every way, but still provides entertainment with a few laughs, surprising cameos and shameless nods to far superior films. Mat

 


 6. Death Race 2050

What it’s about:

Groups of drivers compete in a deadly, government-sponsored cross-country race, where points are earned for killing pedestrians and other drivers. The reigning champion, the half-machine Frankenstein, is unaware that his co-pilot is a rebel spy.

What they said:

It’s all very clunky and ramshackle and kitschy, but that’s just part of the “shaggy dog” charm of the production. There may not be much of a market these days for Roger Corman’s unique brand of oddball indie filmmaking, but Death Race 2050 capably indicates that there’s still a little juice left in the man’s tank. Those who sit down expecting a slick action flick in the vein of Death Race (2008) may walk away confused or irritated by Death Race 2050. Those of us with a healthy respect for Roger Corman’s admittedly wacky oeuvre may find themselves pleasantly surprised by Death Race 2050. It may be cheap and weird and intentionally dim… but it’s also pretty damn funny. – Scott Weinberg (Nerdist)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
A sensationalist and throwaway update of the cult 70s original. Population cull films can be done much better (see The Purge). Gordon

 


5. Baywatch

What it’s about:

When a dangerous crime wave hits the beach, the legendary Mitch Buchannon leads his elite squad of lifeguards on a mission to prove that you don’t have to wear a badge to save the bay. Joined by a trio of hotshot recruits, including former Olympian Matt Brody, they ditch the surf and go deep under cover to take down a ruthless businesswoman whose devious plans threaten the future of the bay.

What they said:

A few jokes land – Johnson’s constant ribbing of Efron for his boyband looks, for example – but this Baywatch makes the fatal mistake of assuming it’s got a worthwhile story to tell, when in fact it’s an off-the-shelf Scooby-Doo caper about Chopra flooding the beach with drugs so she can snap up the real estate … and it would have worked if it wasn’t for those meddling lifeguards! As the second half limped to its laugh-free action climax, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of boredom with not even a lame, penis-related gag to cling to, let alone a red floaty thing. – Steve Rose (The Guardian)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
This was never going to be a masterpiece, but the excessively crude language and humour, derivative plot and 2 hour running time make it even worse than expected. Aside from a few in-jokes, it completely fails to capture the spirit of the TV show. Mat

 


 4. Geostorm

What it’s about:

After an unprecedented series of natural disasters threatened the planet, the world’s leaders came together to create an intricate network of satellites to control the global climate and keep everyone safe. But now, something has gone wrong: the system built to protect Earth is attacking it, and it becomes a race against the clock to uncover the real threat before a worldwide geostorm wipes out everything and everyone along with it.

What they said:

Geostorm’s main problem is that these sequences play out too similarly, with the camera finding one “face of the catastrophe” victim to follow around as things fall apart, and then the usual glossy CGI weather tearing glossy CGI cities to shreds. The effects in Day After Tomorrow had more weight and gravitas, and were more convincing; there’s a glib feeling of frantic speed to Geostorm’s disaster sequences that make them feel a bit like the hilariously elaborate cosmic deathtraps of the Final Destination movies. – Tasha Robinson (The Verge)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
A disaster movie in all senses of the word. The kind of film that happens when movie execs come up with ideas for cool explosions and special effects, with no thought for the movie around them. Gordon

 

 


 3. The Hippopotamus

What it’s about:

Disgraced poet Ted Wallace is summoned to his friend’s country manor to investigate a series of unexplained miracles.

What they said:

Saddled with some over-literal direction and with its references to buck-toothed fellatio, remedial pederasty, chat-show chauvinism and equine bestiality failing to raise the intended laughs, the picture limps towards its tragicomic conclusion, which sees Allam deliver his sleuthing summation like a pissed Poirot. He deserves better, but casts such a large shadow that his co-stars are reduced to ciphers. – David Parkinson (Empire)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
Based on his book, Hippopotamus is an excruciating Stephen Fry tribute act. Why he didn't just do it himself I don't know. Gordon

 


 2. Stratton

What it’s about:

After the death of his American counterpart, an MI6 agent and his team must race against time to stop a madman from unleashing stolen chemical weapons.

What they said:

Cooper was a very late replacement for the rightly perturbed Henry Cavill, who jumped ship five days before shooting began. Make no mistake, the ship would have sunk with either on board. There’s nothing Cooper can do to make Stratton less of a lethally bland action-doll cipher, whose occasional attempts at light-hearted banter make you wish yourself capable of friendly fire. – Tim Robet (The Telegraph)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
An awful film in terms of action, performance drama and writing. Even the usually good Connie Nielsen gives the absolute worst performance I have ever seen in a film. Gordon

 


…and the official MovieMuse worst film of 2017 is… 

1. The Mummy

What it’s about:

Nick Morton is a soldier of fortune who plunders ancient sites for timeless artifacts and sells them to the highest bidder. When Nick and his partner come under attack in the Middle East, the ensuing battle accidentally unearths Ahmanet, a betrayed Egyptian princess who was entombed under the desert for thousands of years. With her powers constantly evolving, Morton must now stop the resurrected monster as she embarks on a furious rampage through the streets of London.

What they said:

For this wholly unnecessary reboot of the series, the film-makers have called upon an Egyptian plague of slightly ropey special effects and a handful of A-list stars. Tom Cruise is Nick Morton, a treasure-hunting American soldier who finds himself chosen to be the mate of Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella), a patricidal demon princess. And Russell Crowe takes a role that has been cannibalised from an entirely different property – he plays Dr Jekyll, now rebranded as the leader of a covert band of renegade archaeologists. No amount of clunky expository dialogue can untangle this mess of bones, bandages and bald commercial cynicism. – Wendy Ide (The Guardian)

 

What we said:

CommentsReviewer
Another reboot that no-one asked for bombs by not understanding why the original worked. The film gets everything from the casting to the comedy wrong and spectacularly fails to justify its existence. Gordon

 


What do you think?